II. Yirka’s Roots

I started this page 2 years ago.

I asked a friend to use his photo that I found beautiful.

I told him, I have a new project in mind.

I had something to say… something I wanted to share…

With much enthusiasm, I started the new page, but the writing didn’t come…

I wanted to write… I had so much to say, but I didn’t dare…

Something held me back.

I was limited in what I could say, in what I could share.

I was forced to share someone else’s vision… not mine.

I stayed silent… to stay safe.

Because my words brought… a struggle, drama, manipulations & abuse.

When you are limited, you are kept small.

There is no growth, no self-development.

You’re on standby mode, … waiting… until you see yourself again.

I wasn’t aware of what was going on back then.

I wasn’t familiar with narcissism.

You hear about it… you think about it… but do you see it?

I already had, just like everyone else, a backpack when I met 🥥.

With the symbol 🥥, I refer to my ex-partner M.

‘Crazy in the coconut 🥥’ is a story for later.

I had been in a relationship for 11 years with D. A relationship built on lies and deceit.

During that relationship, I went through a career change from bank clerk to police inspector.

In my job as a police officer, I was often physically and emotionally challenged by tough situations.

I was involved in a deadly shooting incident and diagnosed with endometriosis, goodbye to my dream of having children.

But what do you do with emotions/traumas when you’re in an environment where macho-ego behavior dominates?

You bury it all… you move on…

The relationship with D. had taken its toll. I left the relationship with severe blackouts, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, and PTSD.

My physiotherapist subtly referred me to “someone who could help me,” but for me, that was a no-go.

I searched for alternative ways, the path of reflection, self-development, meditation, awareness, …

A tarot card reader had already helped me in my relationship with D. She had repeatedly confirmed my intuition. I just had to follow it, but still… that constant doubt.

I was tired of fighting… physically & emotionally.

Traveling was an escape… as far as possible.

🥥 came into my life 2 years later as a meditation teacher, breathing practitioner coach, firewalk instructor & tantra master.

Wow, had I won the lottery?

I was overwhelmed by the beautiful loving words, the good intentions, and the, for me, new spiritual world.

Who was I?

The student...? My biggest mistake, my greatest life lesson!

No one will ever be the master over me again, no one is better than me, no one is smarter than me, no one is bigger than me…

In Lak’ech = I am another you 🙏🏻

My experience, my life story, my vision, I wanted to share so badly…

But the student was never good enough for the master, so she stayed silent.

She waited, observed, felt & truly felt it all.

She quietly kept herself busy… therapeutically… with knitting, clay, art… creatively developing further. Returning to her roots.

Until she found the strength to break all the patterns.

To knock the master off his throne 👑 and take back her dignity.

To stop the abuse ✋🏼.

A new year, a new beginning…

No one will stop me…

No one will breathe down my neck… limit me any longer.

A friend said today: It’s thanks to your story that I started digging deeper into my own relationship and realized I could no longer keep my eyes closed.

This sentence was, for me, another reason to keep persevering, to continue, and to gather the courage to share bit by bit.

Here is a renewal of my first post on this page.

My new project.

Piece by piece.

My life story…

My story is about emotional, physical, and sexual abuse by narcissistic partners.

Daring to speak out is the first step in seeing and acknowledging abuse 🙏🏻

I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor.