IV/2. "The Truth Will Write: My Voice, My Strength"

How quickly a story gets a sequel. How quickly your intuition becomes reality.

Sharing my stories comes with fears. My stories are my traumas. My drive? The fact that I could only overcome this by talking. Talking with others about topics I had questions about – sexuality, relationship dynamics – and constantly hearing that it was my fault. That this only happened to me, and not to others.

Too often I heard how other women were so much better. And meanwhile, I had already been walking in the shadow of his 'One & Only Holy Woman': Virginie, for eight years.

I came from a relationship full of lies and deceit. Where I repeatedly heard, “You’re seeing ghosts.” Until the point where all my ghosts became reality and the truth could no longer be avoided.

I carry multiple heavy, unresolved traumas with me. Traumas from my time as a police officer. Traumas from my youth – stalking. And like everyone, I also carry the baggage from my upbringing. No one has a perfect upbringing; everyone does their best, but there’s no manual.

Not being enough. That is the story of my life. As a child, I was always very skinny. I’m petite and I’ve always been active in sports. But I was constantly told by my aunt, “Yirka, you’re really too skinny now.” Over and over again.

In my relationship with D., he constantly flirted with other women. That doesn’t make you feel good as a woman – by the way, no one deserves that, not even men. As a patient with endometriosis, I couldn’t give my partner children, which again lowered my dignity as a woman. Isn’t it the woman’s job to bear children?

And then there was 🥥. With him, I was constantly confronted with the intense bond between him and Virginie. My self-confidence kept breaking down. And when Virginie wasn’t in the picture, he’d find another woman, because nothing was ever good enough.

The launch of ‘Crazy in the Coconut’

When I launched my blog ‘Crazy in the Coconut’ yesterday, he saw another chance to get control over me. I received a series of voice messages. Messages where he claimed that Virginie had asked him to hide the truth about her coming to Belgium from me. Words he tried to twist in a completely different context.

Virginie had a point: why make your ex-partner suffer more?

🥥 had presented the story to Virginie as though I had said, “You’re the only woman allowed to set foot here. Yirka won’t have a problem with it.”

Once again, 🥥 twisted the facts completely out of context to suit his needs. It was also his own idea to let her use our kitchen and even stay the night.

In the end, it all came down to our simple agreement: 'No Women in My House.'

Had he stuck to that, there would have been no need for him to tell me about who he was meeting, let alone his contact with Virginie. At that point, he was a free man, with all the space to arrange his life as he wished.

That’s the point. Do what you want, go out with whoever you want, rent a hotel, sleep with them… I don’t care. But not in our home. I’m still paying the bills, I still have the right to walk in at any time. I don’t want to confront his demonic outbursts.

Yet that doesn’t change the fact that no one likes to see their ex immediately move on to another relationship. It inevitably raises questions. What was the value of our relationship if no processing time seems necessary?

The manipulations begin

He started manipulation number one with this message: “Consider this a goodbye, for me, a definitive goodbye from her (Virginie) and from you. I’ve read your entire blog, thank you.”

I saw this coming. I know 🥥 better than anyone. I know his methods. Guilt-tripping, playing the victim, manipulating.

I stayed calm and told him that his games no longer had an effect on me. That he no longer had the right to control me. That he would never have power over what I do or don’t do.

Then he calls. Again, he tries to pressure me. “Don’t write about A.,” he says emphatically. “Those people have been through enough.” Really? And that’s my fault? No, that’s your shit 💩.

The fear in his words and his threats spoke volumes. His so-called honest truth was another lie. A lie to A. and her husband? Where does that fear come from? Did A. read my blog? Her husband? Has the truth turned into another new lie?

One thing is crystal clear: maintaining contact with a narcissist is impossible. He will always keep controlling, manipulating, making you sick, and hurting you.

There’s no doubt about that. My story doesn’t affect him – it only affects his ego. And so, another extra block was put up.

My message is clear:

No one is stopping me from writing anymore. This is what a narcissist does: suppressing, belittling, taking away your dignity.

I will keep writing. Not just for me, but for you. For everyone who finds strength in my words. For everyone who finds the courage to show those assholes the door.

We are worth it. We deserve love. We deserve honesty, respect, and understanding. There’s no place for abuse in our lives anymore. No one deserves this – not even me.