IV. Crazy in the Coconut 🥥

Crazy in the Coconut: How the symbol 🥥 came about

In this story, I want to share how M. got the nickname “Crazy in the Coconut” and why I use the symbol 🥥. On one hand, it’s to protect his identity, and on the other, to soften the heavy connotations of his name. Yet, each experience continues to profoundly impact my life and remains a part of my healing process.

The summer of 2024 brought a crucial realization: both 🥥 and I were stuck in an endless repetition, a “loop” of destructive patterns. I gave him an ultimatum: “Either we step out of this loop together, or I step out on my own.”

Every year, from June to November, the same destructive ritual began: frustrations with our relationship, an obsessive craving for other women, the need for porn, and eventually threats to end it all. What followed was mental and emotional abuse—a relentless cycle of pain.

An obsession, not an urge

What started as a slight urge for other women grew into an obsession. Between June and November, this need became almost addictive. Dating apps were reinstalled, the search for duos, threesomes, and other adventures became intense.

🥥 often justified his behavior with spiritual terms. What began as a tantric sales pitch manifested into pure sexual lust. As a tantric teacher, his job from God was to “work with women.” HE 👑, as the only man on earth, was destined to bring women back to their true essence, to train them to be priestesses. But what he called a “priestess” was more of a sex goddess than the traditional meaning of a spiritual guide.

I became his partner in crime: the “heart woman” 💚 who had to convince, reassure, and support other women in his mission. My gentle, loving feminine power... needed every voluptuous, sensual earthly woman to reunite in an eternal Holy Trinity ♵. The idea of a “Holy Trinity” sounded beautiful in theory, but in practice, it was suffocating.

Virginie: A Twin Flame or Karmic Mirror?

Virginie was one of those women. In fact, she was perhaps the greatest obsession of 🥥. For him, she was his twin flame; for me, she represented his demon, his karmic ancestral pattern, the mirror of the complex relationship between his parents. 'VI. One-night stand'

A constant source of chaos and confusion.

During my eight-year relationship with 🥥, Virginie appeared regularly. Their contact followed a strange pattern: attraction and repulsion, as if they were magnetically connected yet simultaneously pushing each other away. For me, Virginie became synonymous with unrest, a topic that always brought tension, 'a pain in the ass.' Yet, I could never truly be angry at her.

I cursed her often. Just her name would trigger frustration, but somewhere inside, I also felt sympathy for her. She was curious, came to look and smell, but always had the courage to step away once she realized: Oh no, this man is totally not ready. He’s not who he says he is. I secretly admired that clarity in her, even though it didn’t make my situation any easier.

A Triangle Full of Tension

In 2023, Virginie, 🥥, and I found ourselves in a unique situation: a brief period of physical encounters with the three of us. It was a confusing time. The moments I spent alone with Virginie were surprisingly lighthearted. We went on outings to Ghent, had deep conversations, and there was never a moment where I felt like she was trying to manipulate me or win 🥥 over. She seemed, just like me, to be trying to navigate through a web of deception and uncertainty.

But the moments with the three of us were a different story. They felt heavy and loaded. Every time we were together, I felt a constant tension. 🥥 used these encounters as a way to pursue his own desires. I knew he never lost sight of his ultimate goal — a threesome. Virginie seemed to feel this too. I saw her doubts grow, how she kept stretching the fragile thread that this situation was balancing on. And I knew: if she realized how everything was staged, she would leave again.

The Aftermath: The Web of Manipulation

Every time Virginie left, I was left with a heavier and darker feeling. 🥥 would fall into depressive states, use emotional blackmail, and his manipulations only grew stronger. It was as if he needed another victim to feel happy, a new prey in his web of lies and intrigue.

The most painful realization was that I only had a happy, upbeat man next to me when another woman played along with his game. It was a continuous mind-fuck. My heart wanted to believe in love, but my instincts screamed that this wasn’t a healthy relationship.

Still, I felt that Virginie had a deeper meaning in all of this. Her presence confronted me with truths I hadn’t seen before. But the complexity 🥥 created made it impossible to clearly see her role. This all resulted in a love-hate relationship with her.

The Drop: Confrontation and Insights

In July 2024, I decided to confront 🥥 about the recurring "loops" in our relationship. These were patterns that repeated over and over, as if we were stuck in an endless cycle. One evening, I came home, and 🥥 told me that he had contacted Virginie, who was at that time in Morocco.

It was as if the Universe finally gave me the signal I had been asking for. For months, I had been searching, asking for clear messages to know how to end this relationship. And this... this was the drop 💧. A clear message: "It's enough. It will never change."

I started laughing. 🥥 looked at me, surprised. He had expected me to get angry, perhaps even hoping I would explode. But there was no anger. Instead, I felt an overwhelming clarity. For the first time, I saw the entire pattern so sharply that there was no doubt left.

A New Level: Setting Boundaries

From that day on, I no longer allowed my boundaries to be crossed. Not that I had never set boundaries before; they simply hadn't been respected. But now, it felt as though a new level was activated in my system, an inner strength I had never felt so strongly.

However, standing up for myself led me into physically dangerous situations. The arguments with 🥥 escalated. Where I used to carefully wait for the right moment to call out his lies and manipulations, I did it immediately now. My patience had completely run out.

Immediately, 🥥 entered into a relationship with another woman, A. She was an old school friend who had been fond of him for years. For 🥥, she was an easy target. But A. was married and had two small children. Her lack of respect for honesty and integrity in her own relationship made her the perfect new prey for 🥥. ‘V. Intrigues - Intolerable Honesty’‘

Intrigues and Intolerable Honesty

A. was an ideal mirror for 🥥 to feed his ego. She told him how she could no longer enjoy sex, how she had lost herself in her role as a mother, and how she wanted to become a woman again. These were exactly the words 🥥 wanted to hear. He was always ready with his "holy staff 🍆" to pierce your divine temple. ‘V. Intrigues - Intolerable Honesty’

The energy 🥥 and his intrigues brought back into our home was dark and heavy, almost unbearable. Our rental lease was up in December, giving me three months to arrange everything. Although we had already been sleeping separately, the situation became increasingly toxic. 🥥 lost his control over me, and that visibly frustrated him. His words stuck with me: "You're making it difficult for yourself." 😳

Only I know 🥥 like no one else does. The outside world saw only the façade he had carefully built: the tantra teacher, the meditation master, a man with great and seemingly genuine awareness. But behind that façade lies an entirely different story.

The Lesson of a Narcissist

My relationship with 🥥 taught me a lot about how a narcissist operates. In my case, I learned how my "narcissistic and manipulative" partner played his game. I now share these lessons to raise awareness: you are not alone.

What initially attracted me to 🥥 was his apparent honesty. He openly talked about the women he had met, who he found attractive, and what he wanted from them. After an eleven-year relationship full of lies and deception, his honesty felt almost like a breath of fresh air. I thought: No relationship is perfect. But if everything is open for discussion, what’s the problem?

A. called his honesty... intolerable honesty. He was certainly intolerable. But honest? That’s another story. ‘V. Intrigues - Intolerable Honesty’‘

The Break: A Boundary Too Far

By mid-October, I reached my breaking point and left the rental property after a physical altercation with 🥥. He had no respect for my boundaries, and his behavior had become unbearable. The blood 🩸 was crawling under my nails due to his constant lies, manipulations, and ever-growing intrigues.

It escalated to a point where he cracked and searched through my laptop, desperately looking for evidence that I wasn't badmouthing him to the outside world. That was the last straw. My fuse blew, and for the first time, I lost control. When a chair flew across the living room, I knew I had reached my limit.

I called my father and resolutely said, "Come pick up the dogs. The situation is no longer safe. Give me one week to arrange everything and leave."

The Escape: A New Beginning

On October 21st, I left the house. I moved in with my parents, who lived in a caravan in Limburg, two hours away. It was far from ideal; a small storage room was turned into a makeshift bedroom for me, and my personal belongings were stored. But here, I felt physically safe.

Despite my departure, I continued to pay my share of rent, water, and electricity. After all, my belongings were still in the house, and many of the furniture pieces still needed to be sold. But I set one clear condition: NO OTHER WOMEN IN MY HOUSE.

My personal belongings were still there, my registered address was still in Laarne, and I paid the bills. This gave me the right to enter the house at any time to sort things out, pick things up, or finalize matters.

The Warning: Fear and Intuition

During this time, I visited my therapist, who gave me advice that shook me deeply: "Never enter the house alone again." She explained: "We often underestimate the power of fear and think that such things, like what happened with Mayor Ilse Uyttersprot, can’t happen to us. But what if someone has nothing left to lose? What if they snap?"

Her words echoed in my mind. I knew that A., the woman with whom 🥥 was now in a relationship, had entered our house multiple times during my absence. The neighbors had told me this. 🥥 denied it vehemently, but my intuition told me a different story. And by now, I had learned to trust it.

Still, I kept setting the same boundary, using the same words: "NO WOMEN IN MY HOUSE!"

But in 🥥's world, boundaries were mere suggestions. His denials were empty, his words meaningless.

The Confrontation: A Broken Boundary

Sunday, November 3rd. My phone rang, and on the other end, I heard 🥥's voice. He told me that Virginie would soon be coming to Belgium for a food story assignment. She had asked him if she could use our kitchen to cook and take photos. 🥥 hastened to add that it was purely a friendly visit. "It's just nice to talk to someone," he said, "I feel so alone."

But as he spoke, I felt the rage welling up inside me like a storm that had been brewing far too long. How much clearer could I have been? NO WOMEN IN MY HOUSE! And of all people, Virginie. How much space and energy ⚡️💦 had she already claimed in my life? How dare she now make her entrance again, as if nothing had happened? And how dared 🥥 act as if all of this was innocent and normal?

The Outburst: Boundaries Broken

My anger took over. Without thinking, I grabbed my phone and called Virginie. Eight years of pent-up frustration and unresolved emotions came pouring out in a single voice message. Words I had swallowed for so long flowed out with the force of a hurricane. My anger raged through the phone, raw and unfiltered.

After leaving the voice message, I decided to send a copy of it to 🥥. Why? Maybe because I wanted someone else to witness my anger, my truth. Or maybe because I finally wanted the world to know how deeply this situation had affected me.

Reflection: A Breaking Point

It was a moment of eruption, but also of clarity. For the first time in a long while, I allowed my feelings the space to exist, without stuffing them down or rationalizing them. Virginie, 🥥, the history we shared—it had been too much, too often, too long.

And now, with every boundary ignored, every lie told, I could feel the inevitable conclusion drawing closer: this had to stop.

His Response: The Impenetrable Wall

And then it came. His response. Or rather, the lack thereof. An emotionless 🥥, as always. No apologies, no understanding, no trace of regret or empathy. His words were flat, almost mechanical, as if he were checking off a list.

"You’re overreacting. It’s really not that big of a deal. Virginie just wanted to cook. You don’t have to make it so difficult."

A wall of indifference, cold and hard. It was as if he couldn’t even comprehend the intensity of my feelings, let alone acknowledge them. While my emotions flared, he remained untouched, as he always had. His nonchalance felt like a knife cutting deeper than any words ever could.

Voice Message 🥥: November 4 at 11:16 AM

"Look Yirka, if I were a big, sarcastic, narcissistic asshole, I wouldn’t communicate any of this with you, I’d just go my own way and say fuck you.

I’m not going to put my life on hold for the next two months, lock myself in this house, and stop meeting anyone, only men are allowed to meet.

I am open and honest in communication and I understand this is difficult, but you always ask for my honesty and sincerity, and I give it to you...

I didn’t know it ran this deep, I don’t know all of it, that’s why I’m communicating it. I’m going through difficult, depressive phases where I don’t feel good, and indeed, I want to associate my loneliness with seeking intimacy, sexuality with others; that’s an addiction issue, and I’m doing very well at daring to see it.

That I can’t handle my loneliness, but I’m doing it. I can’t see the forest for the trees, I’m not getting an overview, I have no idea how to manage and do everything here, and then Virginie simply asks if she can use the kitchen, and I think: yeah, why not. Let’s take a look, let’s keep it in that friendship.

I’ve made another mess of it, but I’ll apologize. I’m not with it myself, I’ve only just woken up. It’s the same here from the moment I wake up, more clutter and trouble and chaos, have I created it all again? I don’t know.

Someone just asks if they can use your kitchen, and yes, that someone is Virginie, and that’s all sensitive and painful. But I’ll just cancel it all.

I can only start living from January because you don’t let me, that’s how it is. I can’t interact with any woman, I can only interact with men, and yes, I’ll do that too.

There you go, I’ll do it because I don’t feel like having a discussion about it. I have no energy left for that.

An asshole of a man would stand in his power, and I’d like to be that kind of asshole of a man. Just doing what he wants, doing his own thing, but I’m not going to do it.

It has already been sent to Virginie that the kitchen won’t be used, that she should do her own thing."

The Unending Chaos and Inescapable Arrogance

I’m just shocked. How can he still not understand what he’s doing? Seriously, are you kidding me?

The narcissist just seems to enjoy putting me in this state. Eight years, and still, it’s a mystery to him why this is a problem?

Her name was sacred. She was better, more intense, more passionate—everything I wasn’t. But for him, it was always her, her, her, her… and me, lost in the eternal shadow of her presence.

Everything revolves around 🥥 and his women.

I asked for one simple, clear thing: No women in my house. It was a matter of respect, a small piece of ground I wanted to hold on to, but this seemed too much to ask. Why is that so hard to understand? "Go to a hotel, go to their house, go wherever you want—I don’t care!"

I would think: ‘Understood. It’s your house, your stuff, it’s my responsibility, my addiction, and my decision. It would be totally unacceptable if someone else took over your space at your expense. Right? It seems logical.’

But apparently, this is something 🥥 just can’t comprehend.

Who creates the chaos? Who doesn’t respect the boundaries? Who always acts according to their own desires? Who ignores the agreements we make over and over again? Who shows no respect for the other?

The answers are always the same—and every time it’s the same. It’s him. It’s always him.

Communication in Despair

With this thought in my mind, I spoke my words to 🥥, though they may not have been in the nicest phrasing I’ve ever used. The anger was too much, too raw, and too damn justified. The chaos he created, the constant indifference toward my boundaries—it all came together in that one painful confrontation.

Voice Message 🥥: November 4 at 11:16 AM:

"Yirka, I feel you completely, your pain. It strikes straight into my...

I’m going to crawl back into my bed, I’m not functioning. It’s all too much for me too.

And the biggest mistake is that I got into a relationship with you. Your life would have been better. But look, I’ve canceled everything and I’m going to do the following: be on my own for 2 months, get my life in order, pack my things, and leave.

You say that I don’t care about any of this, but I care a lot about it. I’ll crawl back into my bed and I understand, that it all hurts.

Yesterday I came across the following quote: 'I would rather hurt myself with the truth than comfort myself with a lie.' I’m not going to comfort myself with a lie anymore."

The Incomprehensible Chaos

Do you feel my pain? Really? Seriously, are you sure? Because this doesn’t feel that way at all. 🤔 Here we go again—me, me, me, me, me… Poor me. It’s always the same. It’s always his world overshadowing everything, while my own world is slowly falling apart.

Two months "by myself" sounds like a joke. How can that be taken seriously? This whole "story" is a façade, a beautiful fairytale that only continues to unfold into the chaos he has created. ’VIII. The Truth’

What is the truth here? I wonder: Which truth? What are we even talking about? Is this truth? Or is it simply the rejection of my boundaries, pure selfishness, just doing whatever suits him? This is not respect; this is pure indulgence. His desires, his impulses.

My Decision - Self-Love

He’s trying to call me again. But I’m done with this circus—‘Not my circus, not my monkeys.’

I don’t answer the call. I’ve had enough of the manipulations, the lies.

Through a message, I let him know that I no longer want contact with him, only business matters. He never understood what was going on and will never do so. I make it clear that this is not just a decision—this is self-love, something I’m finally choosing for myself.

Voice Message 🥥: November 4 at 12:34 PM:

"Look Yirka, I’ll wrap this up with one thing. For me, it’s all emotional too and it’s not manipulation, tears are in my eyes but anyway, let it be.

It’s always about being honest with you now. I just wanted to bring everything back honestly, but I just end up hurting everyone again.

You know, it’s just a shame. Yes, again, that quote is the complete summary. I’d rather hurt with honesty than comfort with manipulation and lies.

For me, really, I’m going to be honest with you, when the message came about using the kitchen, it was for me… really not like, oh yes yes yes, we’re going to grow closer.

It was really just like: okay cool, come use the kitchen, do your thing, we’ll have conversations, we can get along, we can have a friendship again… and that was it… we can have a friendship again.

We can have conversations, be together, talk, and maybe… yes maybe not yet… but maybe you could eventually get along with me again and have conversations with me. That’s how I really saw it, that’s how I really saw it Yirka. I swear, if it were different, fuck it, seriously, that’s how I saw it with Virginie.

Seriously, there’s so much trauma, so much shit from the past that this was the only way. It wasn’t to get her into my bed, definitely not. Certainly not even asking for intimacy from her. Definitely not. There was really a purity in me that just allowed it, to have conversations, to communicate with her. Really.

(Tears start) 😢 I really hope that we can someday just fucking get along with each other again. I never wanted to hurt you, I never want to hurt anyone. But I have fucking so much depression in me.

Yesterday, I looked up what someone with a porn addiction has. That’s not what I have. But someone with a porn addiction is actually the same.

People who are depressed... and they often see this in people who are depressed... they watch porn to get dopamine.

People who spend a lot of time on social media, posting things, who are actually depressed and get dopamine from those likes, yes… I’ve always had too much of that at night... and during the day I don’t have it.

The whole day I function as best as I can... I can’t do much anymore... but I function, I do my thing.

But at night, from around half 7, I get restless, I can’t be alone, I don’t want to be alone. I don’t have the energy to do other things either.

Someone else would go jogging, go to the theater, the cinema, read a book, but I get restless at night and then I also want intimacy, and it’s so frustrating because yes, the intimacy you wanted to give me, I didn’t want, and I don’t know anymore myself.

So what do you think now, that in the phase where I don’t know anything anymore, I’d start messing around with Virginie? In all this confusion... No, no. It was just like: I’m here for 2 more months and I sometimes get lonely from no contact, yes, that it could just be nice, after all the misery that has happened, just a friendship could be there, and having good conversations about everything and anything. Yes, that’s it."

Are you sure this isn’t manipulation? All I hear is ‘I, I, I, I, I…’ Poor me.”

"To My Readers: Let's continue reading and discover for ourselves how much compassionwe can have for the true truth and the lie."

My written response to the voice message from 🥥 because I refuse to show my emotions in my voice:

"Do your thing, do what you want. You’re just used to doing what you want.

What I wanted or thought never mattered.

You’ve been messing around with Virginie your whole life, and every time you’ll try to have a friendship and walk through one door together. Every single time. Try again and fall again. Go ahead.

Indeed, you had everything to be happy but it was never good enough, and it will never be good enough. But in that respect, you get along well with her. You’re both a piece of misery that attracts and repels even more darkness and can't and won’t give love.

So if you want more pain, she’s the best medicine. Your beloved darkest power.

Do what you can’t resist, what makes you happy. What will make me happy: a life without you, without her, and without those kinds of bitchy, evil women.

I had to listen to your pain for 8 years and feel it, and there was never space for what I felt because yours was always worse.

I’m done, M. I’m human too, and I have love, a lot of love, and I wanted to share that love, but you didn’t want it, on the contrary, you went to look for it everywhere else.

I was there every night to be with you and hug you, but you didn’t want it. You broke me down and left me out in the cold, and the thing you loved most was having long conversations with her on the phone in the evenings.

So go on, my friend, live out your life together in purgatory. An extra knife in the deep wound of your mother/umbilical cord. But this time Yirka is no longer here to catch you. From now on, you’re on your own. Yirka won’t pick up anymore to listen to your pain.

Letting you fall is the greatest love I can give you to wake up and heal. Open your eyes and see the light.

She fits in our house. 200% negative energy. Matches with the cell tower next door. And now, leave me in peace!"

Voice message 🥥: 4/11 at 12:56 PM - "(Tears):

I am truly grateful for everything you write, but no, no, M. is not doing what he wants. She is not coming in here.

You could have immediately said that it hurt you too much. No, she’s not coming in, out of respect for you.

I know that no one else, I know that, will ever be as dedicated to me. I know that, I know that.

Thank you, thank you.

Why did I have to be born with this energy, as a depressive asshole who doesn’t produce enough dopamine? Why? Why couldn’t I have been born as a calm person, a dedicated person, dedicated to one person?

Why so fucked up? I really see that I am a fucked up being. A restless... I won’t call it a piece of shit, because that’s an exaggeration. But just a restless beast, yes, whatever, I’ll let you be, but your words have affected me, but that’s the point.

Your words were hitting home, and no one deserves this.

My mom is right about this... no one deserves to be with me. No one can be with me. It’s not healthy to be with me. So my mom was right about that.

It’s not to be negative, but it’s true, it’s really fucking true, and I see that very clearly myself. No one can be in a relationship with me or should be. I’m very aware of that.

I’m not going to do that to any woman. I’ll just say: don’t get into a relationship with me, don’t live with me, maybe 2 hours a day maximum, and that’s it.

Are you serious? Are you trying to gaslight me?

So many words, yet so few actions. Been there, done that.

Let’s just wait for the rest of the story to unfold... 🙏

In the meantime, let’s consult Mister Google:

Characteristics of manipulation:

• Thinks about themselves, not you

• Wants to impose their will

• Doesn’t really listen to you

• Feels smarter and stronger than you

• Lives in their own world

• Blames others

• Sows doubt and insecurity

• Often exaggerates

Characteristics of a narcissist:

• The narcissist ensures the drama they create is projected onto others

• The narcissist makes the victim say sorry for their actions

• The narcissist displays selfish behavior, dominance, and a lack of empathy

• The narcissist gets angry when contradicted

• The narcissist wants to be right. Winning is more important than connecting

• The narcissist sows confusion and makes you doubt yourself and the situation

• The narcissist doesn’t treat you well, disrespects you, and ignores your boundaries

• The narcissist’s mood can change quickly

• The narcissist blames and attacks you

Characteristics of gaslighting:

• A psychological & emotional manipulation

• Lies a lot / denies a lot

• Uses something important to you against you

• Says one thing but does another

• Sometimes gaslighters are very friendly

• Sows doubt in the victim

• Twists the truth to make the other doubt themselves

• Boosts their confidence by convincingly twisting the truth

• Gaslighting happens subtly and is a creeping process. You may not realize what’s really going on for a long time.

"Once again, I ask my readers: "Do you make, or do I make, the final decision?"

Lies, Boundaries, and Friendship: A Conversation with Virginie

On November 4th at 9:01 PM, I receive a voice message from Virginie. She shares kind words: "I’ve always had more trust in you than in 🥥," which touches me. She also says: "You never chose yourself," which I deeply feel, and "You never set your boundaries," which is something I don’t fully agree with. But at the same time, she supports me with the words: "I really wanted to know how you’re doing and I want to be there for you."

Virginie made a point. Indeed, I often didn’t choose myself. I let my boundaries be crossed, although I did set them. The problem was that they simply weren’t respected.

I always felt that we could be friends, that Virginie couldn’t fully identify with 🥥's story. Yet, she often lost herself in his web.‘VI. Virginie’

After much back-and-forth texting, we conclude that many of the stories 🥥 shared with both of us were contradictory, and thus lies. Especially the voice message 🥥 sent to Virginie on November 2nd defied all imagination.

Voice message 🥥 ➡️ Virginie: 2/11 -

"Hey Virginie, first of all, I always felt like my voice messages weren't good enough for you. I always felt that way with you.

I always wanted to delete them, but let's just be human with each other. Let's not delete what we speak, what we spontaneously want to share.

I used to do that often between us out of fear of not being good enough. I feel that so strongly now in my whole system, since we reconnected, that I want to do things well with each other.

Underlying that, there is so much fear.

We want to be together so badly, but we are so afraid of being together. That is something I feel very strongly. And wow, yes, the need for touch.

During corona, they invented a word, it was the only good thing about corona, 'skin hunger.'

Skin hunger is beautiful. Skin hunger is intimacy. It doesn’t even have to do with sexuality. Sexuality is a by-product. Intimacy is simply being able to be close together.

What it really comes down to is, yes… it was mainly your partner who had to go through it, you had to touch her... but was there space to do that reciprocally? Not just wanting to be pleased, but also giving the other proportional touch.

I also always had this need. That is something Yirka taught me, you can just lie together naked and just touch each other’s hands, touch each other’s arms, touch each other’s legs, just de-stressing touch, lying together. This is also a whole form of security.

That brings calm. It goes back to the trauma of our childhood, where we didn’t receive enough warmth, we didn’t get enough touch, and that is primarily stress release.

Hurting yourself is often the opposite, a kind of release-seeking. It’s like people who think they are searching for love, suddenly start watching porn, drinking alcohol to feel good.

It’s always an addition because something doesn’t feel right, doesn’t feel good. But that body contact is definitely a factor that is also the greatest medicine for me. It calms. Just placing a hand on your stomach, the stomach where all your emotions lie, where your organs are, placing a hand there, feeling that warmth, feeling carried. It’s healing and restorative.

When you repeated your partner’s words: 'I did my best and I would like to do even more,' I felt the same, but it’s not about doing your best. It’s also beautiful that you said that: it’s not about doing your best. But don’t try to be too blunt, share with each other, let him speak, let him share.

Hmm, yes, it also comes to me, I’m just going to say everything... in the past, you were always very blunt with me. No one deserves to be 'countered' or blocked like that.

You must set your boundaries, but we must also always be open to, especially when a relationship is over, accepting and sharing each other's emotions and feelings.

You said you had a shitty day and I’ll tell you that the past few days for me have also been very intense. Of course, it has to do with the veil, it’s Halloween.

At this moment, the veil between death and life is very thin, also very beautiful, very spiritual, and yes, since we’ve been in contact, I’m starting to feel you stronger and stronger.

I can sometimes feel other women too, but that’s not in the same degree, in the same intensity as between us.

That’s what I said. We are in the friend zone, but when I just go for a walk in the forest and I feel my soul pulling toward you… I felt that today too… I walk in that cemetery and I feel you, I see you, I think about you… Virginie, Virginie, Virginie.

You always come into my energy field. Something in me wants to ignore that but I can’t, I just allow it, I just let it be. But I know that it’s so intense to dare to come to each other.

I think, if we are very honest, and you have the guts and you’ve finally found the courage to do it, we have no other choice… it has to happen.

It’s going to be brave to come together and it’s going to be intense, it’s going to be powerful.

This morning I was with the physiotherapist, before I went to Diego, and he did dry needling on my upper back, usually, I have issues with my lower back, but it’s all connected.

It’s just our souls, the souls in the body, wanting to seek each other and unite, and I think we still have a lot to work through.

That’s what I mean with the guy I met in Macedonia, David. We could sit together, we could feel all the mess in our lower bellies, and we thought, 'Ah no, we’re draining each other’s energy, leave me alone'… no, we were looking into each other's eyes and he said: 'Do you feel it?' and I said: 'Yes, I feel it too, we’re going to stay with it, we’re going to feel it,' and I think that’s our task.

As you say, the hate and the love between us are so strongly present but we can sit together, we can breathe it, not run away from it.

I really feel you, a lot, stronger and stronger, and yes. Yesterday, I had some fear feelings and you were supposed to support me, and today, I have a stronger perception… and yes, there is also longing, I’ll say that word… something that wants to come home to you, come home to each other… that is very strong.

I could say a lot more but this is the core. Big hug, bye bye."

Wow, how big can the lie be that 🥥 told to both me and Virginie? Where is the honest truth to Virginie when he says the opposite to her of what he tells me about starting a romantic relationship?

If you enter someone's thoughts on the day the veil between the living and the dead is thinnest, what does that mean? To me, this doesn’t sound alive, but more like death.

At first, I was angry about the lie he told me, about how he shifted all his focus onto the next woman (the second one, let's not forget A.), but now I see the full tactic behind his manipulation. First, he expresses his fear, then he flatters you, and eventually, he makes his move.

How he will use my lessons (how to treat a woman with respect) to trap his next victim. Yirka taught me … yes, I tried to teach you a lot, but none of it turned into action, just empty words and promises.

The whole story opened both my and Virginie’s eyes. We both picked up the phone and started verifying the stories. This was just the tip of the iceberg 🧊 of lies, deceit, and intrigue. The days, weeks, and even up to today, we continue to send messages to each other. We share all the questions that come up, memories, and the 'Oh wait a minute' moments, responding to each other. And soon, we concluded that M. is indeed ‘Crazy in the Coconut.’

We don't want to label it, but there are several terms that fit the picture: split personality, borderline, narcissist, manipulator, gaslighter, spiritual bypassing, ...

And don't get me wrong. Everyone exhibits traits that align with certain conditions, but in my story, clear signs emerge that match these specific terminologies.

Since that day, the name M. was replaced by the symbol 🥥. Because the truth was so heavy for both me and Virginie, and the name M. carried such a heavy burden for both of us, ‘Crazy in the Coconut’ brings a liberating atmosphere to our healing process 🙏.

A message for you:

With this story, I want to make others aware of how narcissism and manipulation work. What initially attracted me to 🥥 — his apparent honesty — ultimately turned out to be a weapon in his game of control. But the most important thing I have learned is this: You can always free yourself. It starts with setting boundaries and sticking to them, no matter the resistance. You are not alone.