V/1. Intrigues – Unbearable Honesty
- Yirka’s Roots
- Feb 11, 2025
- 20 min read
--- PART 1 ---
The History Between 🥥 and A♀
A. had known 🥥 since elementary school. They shared a group of mutual friends and kept in touch occasionally after their school years. Every time 🥥 was single, A. saw her chance. But each time, he rejected her again. In his younger years, 🥥 had plenty of flings and casual relationships—the menu was still extensive back then. But after turning thirty, that menu started to shrink, while the biological clocks of the women around him ticked louder and louder.
Children were a fickle topic for 🥥, like so many things in his life—painting beautiful visions of the future but never truly sharing them.
The Bizarre Events in A.’s Home
In 2022, A. reached out to 🥥 due to strange occurrences in her house. The TV and lights would turn on by themselves at night, and her daughter refused to sleep in her bed, claiming there was an evil girl in the house.
A. knew that 🥥 and I were exploring spirituality. She messaged him, trusting that we wouldn’t judge her. We visited her home to perform our ritual. It turned out that a tormented soul was trapped in her house.
My First Encounter with A.
That was the first time I met A. Her husband wasn’t home, only her youngest son, who was about two years old. I was always cautious around women because 🥥’s charismatic allure often drew them toward him. But her little boy climbed onto my lap, and that moment felt pure. The genuine innocence of such a pure soul touched me deeply.
A.’s Promises and 🥥’s Need for Recognition
After a while, A. let us know that the issues had been resolved and that her daughter was sleeping in her own bed again. However, 🥥 had already noticed that an update was taking longer than expected. Finally, after a few weeks, she sent a message.
A. had promised us a reward for our help and even suggested going for a walk together with her family. But that walk never happened—she was always too busy. Eventually, months later, she showed up at our door with a small bag of chocolates. It was a short visit because, once again, she was in a hurry. The promised reward was never mentioned again. Empty promises and hollow words—something both A. and 🥥 had in common.
The Break in My Relationship with 🥥
In July 2023, my relationship with 🥥 came to an end. The year before, between August 2022 and May 2023, Virginie had been heavily involved in our lives. Her presence had put a lot of strain on our relationship. VI. Virginie’
In June, 🥥’s annual “cycle” began again. He was already threatening to end the relationship and posted a message on Facebook about an alternative housing concept. And suddenly, A. reappeared.
While she previously never had time, she now suddenly found space to meet up with 🥥 twice in one week.
A.'s Message to Me
I received a message from A. via Messenger:"Hey Yirka, I’m really sorry about your relationship. I only met you once, but I thought you were a great woman. I just wanted to let you know that there’s a co-housing project in Oosterzele, right next to Betsberg. Maybe you could check it out as a potential place to live."
I asked her to send me the exact location because I knew there was a building near Betsberg that had been squatted by drug addicts. (Oosterzele was within my jurisdiction as a cop.) If that was the place she was suggesting, then the next part of the story will make things clear.
I never received the exact location.
A. and 🥥 Meet
A. came to pick up 🥥 at our home to go for coffee together in Ghent. At that moment, I was at a friend’s place, doing therapeutic work with clay. When I came home earlier than expected, A. and 🥥 were still in our house. I immediately felt the knife in my back.
Not even a "Hey, hello Yirka, how are you?" or just a simple "Good morning." I had to walk up to her myself to greet her. It felt like pure betrayal. Was I not such a great person after all, or had I just ruined the vibe? According to 🥥, it was my energy—but that was something I had been hearing for eight years.
A.'s Confessions to 🥥
When 🥥 came home later, he proudly told me how A. had confided in him that she couldn't enjoy sex. Really? The perfect opening line for 🥥."Just say the magic words, and he’s totally ready with his 🪄 magic wand 🍆."
A. also admitted that she felt completely consumed by her role as a mother. She had stopped feeling like a woman a long time ago, and only now did she realize how loudly her biological clock had been ticking back then. In that rush, she and her husband had started having children way too soon, without really knowing each other. She expressed how much she longed to feel like a woman again—words that to 🥥 sounded like an open invitation to play the savior.
She also shared a story about how a male colleague had invited her to his home. When she arrived, he started kissing her, and she allowed it. Then they had sex.
I looked at 🥥 and asked him, “Do you want a woman where you already know beforehand that she just allows anything?” That means she had already cheated on her husband, right?
The Pattern of Betrayal
Before her current relationship with her husband, A. was in a relationship with B., 🥥’s neighbor. When 🥥 and I left in 2017 for our "world trip" (or rather, "journey of self-reflection"), A. took over the rental house from 🥥.
During a chance encounter with B., I heard how angry and frustrated he was with A. He told me that she had already started a relationship with her husband while she was still with B. Once again, I hear the same thing—cheating, a recurring pattern.
Tantra Healing Sessions and Meditation
After their coffee in Ghent, new meetings at A.'s home followed soon after. Her husband worked night shifts, and 🥥 was only welcome in the evenings after 8:00 PM—once the kids were in bed. Doing tantra with a stranger while your children are asleep in the next room? 🧐 Bad energy.
Multiple sessions followed. I was disgusted by the dishonesty—from both 🥥 and A.—toward me, toward her husband, and toward her children.
The Trip to Italy and the Doubts
In September, 🥥 left for two weeks to Italy to check out a possible place to live. During his trip, he called and texted me frequently. He said it was good for us to have some space so we could both process everything. He even started talking about a future together again, hinting that the house in Italy would be perfect for the two of us.
As always, I remained patient because deep down, I felt this couldn't be the end. 🥥 simply had lessons to learn and would find his way back to us afterward. While he kept claiming that our boats had drifted apart after a long and stormy journey, I felt like we hadn’t even truly started our shared voyage yet.
But in the meantime, he was still in close contact with A. He even showed me a video she had sent him of an assistance dog at her workplace. While the dog reacted enthusiastically to her, I heard a colleague in the background say, "A., what are you doing?" The video cut off abruptly. The Universe seemed to be sending me a clear message: "What are YOU doing?"
The Moment Everything Became Clear
When 🥥 came home from Italy, he begged me to be intimate with him. But for me, it was a hard no as long as he was involved with other women. That was the moment I realized more than ever: his issue with women is not my issue.
For years, 🥥 had drilled into me that I had a task to fulfill regarding these women—the Earthly women, the women he had to transform. That it was my role to create a safe atmosphere around his demonic energy. But since July 2023, I knew for sure: I have no task with these women. On the contrary, they do not belong in my life.
The Sauna Appointment and My Boundary
The next day, I discovered an email in which he had booked a sauna visit for two people. The second person was not me. When I confronted him about it, he reacted angrily at first, as he always did when I brought up something that didn’t suit him. But in the end, he had to admit that he and A. were going to the sauna together.
I asked him if A.’s husband knew about this. 🥥 said she was going to discuss it today—even though the appointment was already set for the next day. Once again, this confirmed their dishonesty.
The sauna wasn't the only thing her husband didn’t know about. He also had no idea about the three recent tantra sessions that had taken place in his own home.
I asked him, “How would you feel if you spent three nights sleeping next to your wife, completely unaware that she had just spent those evenings intensely involved with another man?”
I knew all too well how these "tantra" sessions with 🥥 went—that was exactly how it had started with me. By the first session, penetration had already taken place. I didn’t need any further explanation. And the next step? A visit to a nude sauna... 🤮 The betrayal on both sides was blatant and shameless.
For a moment, I saw in his eyes that my words got through to him, even if reluctantly. Because admitting that I was right was something 🥥 simply couldn’t tolerate. He couldn’t stand being contradicted, and he certainly wouldn’t let anything get in the way of his goal.
I kept trying to make him see his intentions toward A.’s husband and where his respect was for her children. Not just on his part, but on A.’s as well. Sometimes, it felt like I was breaking through to him, but soon enough, the tide would turn, and I’d find myself once again in a battle of emotional and psychological blackmail—all aimed directly at me.
Recently, I found a letter I had written to him at the time to express my feelings. I described how I felt when he got angry because I had rejected him sexually and how, the next day, I discovered that he had booked a nude sauna visit with A.
Time and time again, I tried my best to explain to him how his actions and reactions affected me, hoping he would understand the impact his behavior had on me.
I give all my sorrow, all my pain to Mother Earth, where I may find comfort and security.
To help you better understand how everything feels for me, I want to share this.
Yesterday, you wanted to connect, while I know you won’t let go of your story with another woman. For me, this feels too painful. I will explain why in a moment.
After our discussion yesterday, I felt guilty, thinking maybe I was being too hard on you. Because there is still so much love for you. I left the house in deep tears to be carried by Mother Earth.
Had I known that this appointment was so firmly set, I wouldn’t have had to feel guilty. Then I would have immediately known that I was making the right decision—following my intuition.
The work with the other woman is not my greatest pain. The real pain is the instability it created in you, making you want to leave me. Over and over again. With Annelies, Hannelore, Virginie. That was the deepest pain—that you kept losing your strength and love for me. That made me the fifth wheel, extremely vulnerable.
You’ve been talking about the topic of children for months. A. has two children. A major trigger for you at this moment.
I don’t want to be abandoned again when I open my heart. Not again, never again.
You told me that you have lost your spark, so who am I in this whole story? Just the one who can endure living under the same roof with you?
My sincere love is worth more than that.
That’s why I can no longer give my full intimacy, love, sensuality.
No safety, no security.
All of this makes everything very clear now.
But more than ever, respect my sincerity, my love, my safety.
How painful would it have been if I had shared intimacy with you yesterday, only to find out about this today?
Even this morning, a small alarm went off in my head when I saw the appointment in the calendar. You said nothing about it, only that I should reserve the car on time. A lie.
You never plan anything in advance, and if you want to do something, I would move heaven and earth to make it happen.
So don’t put the blame on me here. Don’t make me feel guilty. I don’t deserve that.
No more guilt for my intuition, no more sorrow in your hands.
Karma is a Bitch
I'm certain that karma will eventually do its work. Maybe A. will only realize the damage she's caused when, one day, her own daughter comes home in tears, telling her that her partner has been cheating with a married woman who has children.
A. suddenly became less intense in her responses to 🥥's messages, perhaps out of guilt. But what 🥥 lacks is patience. If something doesn’t go his way, he gets frustrated.
The Moment of Truth
At some point, 🥥 told A.: “Sorry A., but I will never be the one to take care of your kids.” Even I, who was no fan of A., found that statement shocking.
You seduce a woman with two children, play with her emotions, and then tell her she’s only good for some fun while she has to deal with her problems on her own. So, no kids for 🥥. You’d think she might have learned something from this… or did she? 🧐
When 🥥 told A. that we were back together, the healing sessions and meditations suddenly weren’t necessary anymore. Had she suddenly become the perfect woman? Or maybe those sessions weren’t all that pure after all? A. slowly disappeared from the radar.
The Beginning of the End
In July 2024, I reached the point where I decided this relationship was hopeless. For eight years, I had been patient, given space for mistakes, and allowed time to learn and grow. But my patience had run out. ‘‘IV. Crazy in the Coconut’
The same patterns kept repeating. It felt like I was waiting for a moment that would never come—the moment when Yirka and 🥥 could finally start their chapter. But then, when the topic of women once again became an obsession in 🥥's system, the first message to A. was sent: “Up for a coffee, A.?”
What did I say? That she had learned her lesson? As a mother? That her motherly heart would be affected? Apparently not... Two days later, they were happily having coffee in Ghent again. The meditation and tantra nights resumed—still, of course, after 8 PM during her husband's night shifts. Daily communication through messages and calls followed.
But then, one evening, her husband called in sick for work. Things got a little tense—because how do you explain that your husband knows everything about the sessions, yet the teacher is suddenly not welcome?
The Mask of Honesty
Supposedly, it was handled: 🥥 went over to A. and her husband, pretending to be an old childhood friend and meditation teacher. When 🥥 came home, he was deeply impressed by her husband. He said: “A.’s husband is like a brother to me. We had deep conversations and cried together. I can't continue with his wife. He is a better partner and father than I could ever be.”
Wow, great insights, right? But then what? Were they going to cut contact? According to 🥥, they wouldn’t meet alone anymore, and not at her house. That resolution lasted exactly two days.
Oh, and A.’s husband had also mentioned—in her presence—that his wife was always “hot and ready.” Really? 🧐 So, no sexual issues in their marriage after all? A strategic little game from A., then?
Intuition Never Lies
Two days later, 🥥 met up with A. in Ghent. My intuition told me something was off. That morning at the breakfast table, I asked, “Was it busy in Ghent?” His answer: “Not really, just the usual.”
Later that day, I checked the GPS history and saw that the last destination was ‘Parking De Kouter’ in Ghent. My intuition flared up again. Maybe I was wrong?
That afternoon, while cleaning out the attic, I started talking. At one point, I looked him in the eyes and asked, “M., be honest, did you go to Ghent yesterday?” His reaction confirmed my suspicion. He started stuttering, dodging, twisting his words. Eventually, he admitted: “We were supposed to go to Ghent, but it didn’t work out because of her kids. So we ended up meeting at her place instead.”
"OMG, you lied to me," I said.
"No, I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you," he replied.
I was stunned. “I asked you if it was busy in Ghent, and you said it wasn’t too bad.” His only defense was: “Yeah, but I knew how you would react.”
An Excuse That Doesn’t Hold Up
The same victim card, over and over again: “I knew how you would react.” Oh, so that makes everything okay? You know something will hurt me, but you do it anyway? Why? Why betray your partner when you know it’s going to cause pain?
I hate that sentence: “Yeah, but I knew this would be your reaction.”Of course this is my reaction, and it is completely justified!
My patience had run out. In early September, 🥥 left for a month abroad. That gave me space to reconnect with myself and let go of the stress and emotional weight. The weekend after he returned, I decided to spend two days at my parents' house in Limburg. I needed a break—time away from the constant confrontations.
Respect in My Home?
Before I left, for the first time, I told him: “Do not bring any women into my house while I’m gone.”
But when I came back two days later, I immediately knew something was off. His bedsheets were hanging on the clothesline.
"Why did you wash your sheets?" I asked. He instantly snapped: “I knew you were going to comment on that. I have to start doing my own laundry anyway.”
Uh, yeah… but the sheets had just been washed. His reaction said it all. When I walked inside, I noticed that even my bed had been made differently. A sick feeling crawled up my spine, but I said nothing. The truth came out two days later: my neighbor had seen A. near my house.
How Hard Can It Hit You…
From a man you’ve shared 8 intense years with.
A man you’ve shared everything with.
A man you loved.
A man you’ve been through so much with.
How can you not know someone after 8 years?
How can someone lie to you so easily?
How can someone betray your trust like that?
How can someone abuse your love?
How can someone use you so completely?
Lies and Manipulation
I confronted 🥥 again. He kept insisting that nothing had happened, that they had just gone for a walk. Until he finally admitted that A. had a migraine attack and he had given her a glass of water. So, he had been inside?
Buddy, if you’re going to lie to a woman, you’ll need a much better story. We sense, hear, and smell every little detail. You were lost before you even tried.
The Pressure Becomes Too Much
The fights and arguments escalated. On October 21, 2024, I decided to leave the house. I could no longer tolerate a single lie, manipulation, or act of psychological abuse.
Four days later, on the day of my wellness retreat—my postponed birthday gift—he called me. To tell me he was going to the Halloween walk.
With A.
A Disrupted Moment of Well-Being
On the very day I had planned a sauna visit—my postponed birthday gift—he just couldn’t resist ruining my moment. He told me he was also going to the Halloween walk, together with A. and an old school friend, Bram.
A Planned Evening, Unexpected Twists
October 26 had been in my calendar for three weeks—a Halloween walk with his sister. The past two years, 🥥 had reluctantly joined, but now? Now he was suddenly going with A.
Seriously? Why? Just to provoke me?
His sister was anything but pleased with his behavior. She had no desire to deal with confrontations involving her brother’s new affair and flirty escapades. That evening, we went out with a group of eight women, determined to have a good time.
Dodging the Confrontation
As soon as we arrived, I was immediately confronted with his presence. Fortunately, his sister and I managed to slip away unnoticed, avoiding any further awkward encounters.
Luckily, the Universe was on our side. The rest of the evening, we enjoyed ourselves freely, without his disgusting energy and attempts to throw me off balance. It turned into an amazing girls’ night—full of Halloween scares and joyful moments that, for a while, made all worries disappear.
The Kitchen and Virginie: The Beginning of the End
In my blog Crazy in the Coconut, I already talked about the kitchen incident, where 🥥 made advances toward Virginie. That whole incident left me with only one clear thought: I needed to plan my move as soon as possible and get all my personal belongings out of that house.
I had lost every ounce of trust in 🥥. His lies and deceit weren’t just about women—I started fearing that he might try to cheat me out of material things as well.
Thankfully, my apartment was ready on November 26. I immediately arranged two cars and two trailers to move everything out on December 3. Originally, I had planned to do this around Christmas, but I didn’t want to wait a second longer.
A Tactical Move Without Confrontation
That day, I brought extra people to ensure everything went smoothly and to avoid any unnecessary confrontations. As expected, 🥥 was only concerned with maintaining his reputation in front of others.
During my final walk-through of the house, he pulled me aside and, without a shred of shame, said: “Oh yeah, I got tested for STDs, and I’m completely clean. So that means you are too!”
Excuse me?! Are you serious? WTF? Why did you even get tested in the first place?
I was so stunned I couldn’t even respond. Without another word, I walked out of the house and drove away.
An Attempt at Emotional Manipulation
Five minutes later, I received a message from 🥥:
"Grateful that everything went smoothly just now! When I see you, there is still a deep respect and appreciation. I’ll be honest: it moved me when you left. Not because I want you back in a relationship, but out of gratitude for everything we’ve been through together. Thank you for everything! 🙏 I know I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be in a relationship with, but I really tried my best, even if it felt different for you."
I ignored his energy and sent a short response to close the conversation:
"May you one day embrace yourself in purity, let your light shine, and overcome your karmic patterns. 🙏"
His reply?
"I’ll keep doing my best! 🙏 It still affects me too, and it still hurts. We’ll get through this. I’m also extremely tired and exhausted from this whole process, and I’m sure you feel the same way."
One Last Attempt at Truth
I felt I had to make one last attempt to make him see where he stood:
"If you really want to become a man, you need to learn to be alone. No women, no distractions. You may see it as your gift, but it is your burden. You choose: serve the light or feed the darkness. Your current company is dark shit. I already feel so much better since I stepped out of it. For me, it’s about returning to myself; for you, it’s about searching for yourself. The mirror is bigger for you than for me."
The Final Drop
🥥 then called me and once again tried to convince me that there was nothing going on between him and A. This was my final drop 💧.
"How long are you going to keep lying? To yourself, to me, to A. and her family? You know your intentions with her aren’t right. You’re both lying to everyone around you and only causing pain."
His response was typical:
"Yeah, but A. and her husband’s relationship isn’t good. There’s no love anymore."
My answer?
"Oh, so that gives you a free pass to have sex with his wife? You don’t love her either. What’s the difference?"
When he once again denied having a sexual relationship with her, I confronted him:
"Oh right, it’s true, you call it tantra! But in the meantime, you’re still sticking your dick in her yoni."
Drawing My Boundaries
I was so disgusted that I sent him one final message:
"I no longer surround myself with people who lie to themselves and others, and certainly not with people who mess around in other people’s relationships. If A. has no feelings for her husband, she should have the balls to end it.
That is the kind of energy I refuse in my life—the dishonest, fake illusion of love and connection. That’s why you’re out too."
"As long as you don’t get your act together, there’s no place for you in my life, not even as a friend. And don’t even try if you’re still living in that energy because you know I can smell it from a distance. I have no compassion for people like A. and you.
You’re hurting so many people.
And unfortunately, you still haven’t learned the lessons life has already given you and the ones you grew up with. You left me because you couldn’t resist and hurt me, and now you’re doing exactly the same thing to her. Comforting yourself with ‘A.'s husband knows about it’ is nothing more than telling yourself a fairy tale.
Maybe one more tip: don’t send me messages with sweet words and tears while you’re messing around and sticking your so-called ‘sacred staff’ in another slut.
Not only is it disgusting and low, but it also shows a complete lack of respect for what once existed between us.
That makes it much easier for me not to shed a single tear. The realization that it meant nothing to you says everything.
Maybe I could have been emotional for three seconds over your message, but the Universe woke me up in time and whispered: ‘Don’t do it, girl, you’ll get your answer in 30 minutes. 🙏’
You have a long road ahead, my friend. Inshallah 🙏. If you truly have respect and appreciation for me, then treat me like a woman should be treated—with love and integrity.
May you one day be able to embrace yourself in purity, let your true light shine, and overcome your karmic patterns.
I would love to shed a tear for what once was… but honestly, it’s just not worth it."
The Financial Aftermath
To make matters worse, a lot of my belongings were secretly given to A., her children, and her husband. Bribery behavior. The Universe kept informing me of his actions, and each time, I had to hear how he was screwing me over.
Was the wound not deep enough already? She slept with my man, in my home, and then also took my belongings.
🥥 always played the victim, reversed the roles, and kept taking advantage. Financially, he was the biggest freeloader in our relationship. My savings account took a serious hit due to all his impulsive hobbies and plans, none of which lasted longer than a month. In the end, he left with the same amount of money he came with, while I lost everything.
For me, it’s about principle: respect and honesty. Something I never received from him.
The fact is: if the roles had been reversed, a hurricane would have wiped Laarne off the map.
Amount spent: €85,904 in favor of 🥥
Support for Daily Life:
Stay at my parents’ house (2 years)
Free use of:
Water, electricity
Food and drinks
Netflix, Telenet, …
Use of my caravan (3 months as living space + 3 vacations)
Yirka’s primary financial supporter during his 1-year career break (benefits: €250)
Yirka’s biggest financial contributor after job loss
Use of Yirka’s Business Resources:
Use of materials and energy for starting his side business within Yirka’s company
2 years of using Yirka’s cars
Proceeds from selling Yirka’s business materials were spent on his tattoos
Use of materials from Yirka’s parents
Financial Investments in 🥥's Indulgences: €11,936
Purchases for Personal Activities:
Purchase of wood for spiritual firewalks
Equipment for grooming tools
Enrollment in a dog behavior training course
Equipment for tattoo artistry
Purchase of a motorcycle + gear
Boxing equipment
Horse riding gear
Surfing equipment
Clay/ceramics materials
Painting supplies
Equipment for measuring electromagnetic radiation
Other Expenses:
Clothes, always the best of the best 💰💰💰
Gifts for 🥥… 💰💰💰, none of which were ever appreciated
The Truth Seeps Through
On December 30, 2024, our final appointment in Laarne was scheduled: the key handover, the closure of water and electricity accounts. Everything administratively tied to the past would be officially settled.
But as always, 🥥 found a way to exert control.
On December 29, he suddenly calls me. His voice sounds just a little too calm, as if he’s fishing for something. At first, he tells me that he has a feeling there’s a new man in my life… 🤔 Excuse me?! Is this manipulation again? Apparently, he had a vision during his meditation: my future man would be a Viking, with long hair, taller than him.
I am stunned. This is such a transparent way to fish for information, a sneaky trick to find out if I’m with someone else. I answer him directly: "M., all men should stay as far away from me as possible, and if someone enters my life, it’s because I allow it, not because you had a vision."
🥥 keeps insisting and says he has something important to tell me. Here we go again. I give him space and listen, even though my intuition is already screaming that this is not just a ‘confession.’ Then it comes. He finally starts talking about A.
Wow. Okay. Finally, I hear him tell the truth.
Everything I had felt all this time, everything I had told him – for which he repeatedly labeled me as the ‘crazy one’ – turns out to be true. He admits that he had sex with A. multiple times. That she stayed overnight in our home. That her husband has no idea what’s really going on.
--- END PART 1 ---
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